I finished the book. I watched the movie. And I was lying there, feeling the tears dropping down on my chick. I didn't actually know why I was crying, but I think that it might just be the feeling of emptiness. You know the feeling when your life is passing in front of your eyes and you are not actually living? I felt that. But it wasn't the kind of feeling you get and than you sign up for some new activity and try to get involved. It was completely different. I just feel like I'm in a cage, closed for anything that could actually be called 'living'. You can have a life in any country, it doesn't necessarily have to be the US, you'd say. Maybe it doesn't. But I have this feeling that education is more fun in there. That people tend to be more easy going. That you feel free. Basically, you get to live. And I can't stand any more waiting. Not two years. By telling you this, I risk sounding silly, but I really don't care. I need to tell that someone, I need to save this words and thoughts because the time is going to pass really fast with me still not getting to live. And I want to have it stopped for a second. And I wanna believe that by telling you this right now, I can stop it. I wanna believe I am not wasting my youth doing nothing and being nowhere. Because that's how I feel and I really don't find any other way to do something about it. I'm praying to God to help me, because I heard he loves everybody, so if he does love me, I really hope he would help me.
